We're just some law school graduates trying to find a little humor in it all to keep our sanity while going through this bar exam hell that we'll be in until July 31.
#5: My profanity
#4: My road rage
It seems as though these two tie closely together, so I grouped them as such. It’s really quite alarming how upset I get when I’m driving these days. All I want to do is enjoy my 15 minutes of peace that I get from studying so that I can drive to McDonalds and get my Chicken McNuggets. But, of course, I get stuck behind the girl who is driving 37 mph in a 45 in the left lane while talking on the phone and doing her makeup. You’re probably thinking I should change lanes, right? Nope! The old man in the right lane is swerving back and forth while he struggles to stay awake at 7pm!
Finally, I get past these two, and what happens? It starts to rain. To me that means I should put on my windshield wipers, but to everyone else it means they should probably slow down on the highway to 48 mph in a 65. Also, for extra points they could slam on their brakes at an inopportune time.
Of course I rolled down the window just to yell like a drunken Irishman (I’m part Irish way way back, so it’s okay that I said it)
You motherfuckers are not going to stop me from getting my god damned Chicken Nuggets. Fuck you, fuck the Bar, and fuck Ronald McDonald.
The soccer mom was not impressed with my moment of anger, but her kids were grinning ear to ear, so I figure we’ll call it a draw.
So, lo and behold, I get to McDonalds, and decide…
Fuck McDonalds. Now I want Wendy’s.
And, I’m back on the road again.
#6: My social awkwardness
I really shouldn’t panic when people talk to me, but these days, I’m overcome with an uneasiness whenever someone speaks to me. Granted, I basically only go to fast food restaurants and grocery stores now, so there’s not a lot of opportunity. But, rest assured, when someone does speak to me, I make it as awkward as possible thanks to the Bar. I wasn’t THIS bad beforehand. I used to have some semblance of game (or at least I lied to myself prior to this experience). Now, the only game I have is Words With Friends that I play as a break from studying Corporations and Mortgages.
I should have just bought dozens of this shirt to wear in public. I could have saved myself some embarrassment. I hate myself a little, but it’s almost over!
I’m going to be frank. It’s getting bad, people. Bad. We’re running out of laundry, and the Bar is still a week away! I’m wearing every t-shirt I can find. It could say “XXXX Middle School Darts Team” or “XXXX Elementary School Coloring Squad”.
Fuck it. I’m going to wear my random shirts and random pants, and I’m calling myself a hipster.
#8: The people you hook up with during bar exam time
You want comfort. No, you need comfort. Hot cocoa won’t do it. Stuffed animals won’t help you. But, there is that person in your bar class who looks kind of cute. So, you think, we can both do each other a favor. Unfortunately, this might not be your typical hookup. Sure, you might get lucky, and he or she will be cute, but you also might just be stuck with blissful mediocrity. Either way, a warm body is better than crying alone, right?
P.S. I apologize to any girl I may have hooked up with over the bar period. I’m sure you don’t look like this. At least, I damn sure hope you don’t!
#9: My mood
Am I depressed? If so, is it because of the bar exam? Will I ever recover? Am I going to be normal again? Are these 12 hour days worth of studying going to make me less interesting after the bar?
I’m pondering all of these questions while studying Corporations and Secured Transactions. They might be scarier than PMSIs.
I probably shouldn’t be at my computer doing this, right?
#13: My weight
#12: My muscle
#11: The amount of food I’m eating
#10: My clogged arteries
Well, for a lot of us, #13 is going up. #12 is going down, #11 is going up, and #10 will have us dead before we get our bar exam results. Either way, they’re all related and they’re all scary. They’re so scary that I might skip out on leftover pizza and make a salad…
Y’all know I was just kidding!
You thought we missed a day, didn’t you? We didn’t. We just figured we’d combine #14 and #15.
#14 and #15: Waking up and going to sleep
Both are scary around bar exam time. When you’re waking up, you’re thinking of how much studying you have to do that day. When you go to sleep, you’re thinking about how much you haven’t done, should be doing, and/or have to do tomorrow. It’s a cycle that hopefully ends in the next two weeks, but for the next two weeks, waking up and sleeping both kind of suck.
#16: The condition of my house.
The sink is full of dishes. The trash is overflowing. The tables are sticky. Piles of clothes are surrounding me everywhere and I can’t remember the last time I actually did laundry. There are still remnants of the little shindig my roommate and I threw for July 4th (but luckily my dog ate all of the leftover chips and hot dog buns from the living room table)! And finally, BARBRI and Kaplan books have taken over the dining room table to the point that my roommate’s parents had to bring us extra tables just for books and outlines so we’re not walking all over our bar prep materials.
Guys, It’s getting ugly. Real ugly. And there are still two weeks to go. I hope the condition of your home is slightly better. But I somehow doubt it.
Well, the bar is in 17 days, and we’re incredibly afraid of failing. But, let’s start a countdown of 17 scary things (other than the bar itself) leading up to the bar, shall we?
#17: Seeing girls without makeup.
Remember that pretty girl 1L year? Well, she’s not wearing makeup anymore, and now you jump at the sight of her. It’s so bad that you have to close your eyes when you walk past her in the hallway. No worries, though. You’ll still be making out with her come 6pm on July 25th. For now, just cover your eyes and think of her when she was pretty and thin!